Season 2. Episode #14

[alvin]

Stratton Looked at each of the new Pijies in turn.
'Ok. Three things.' He said sweetly. 'Number one.' said to Uni. 'In here, you speak when you are spoken too.'
He looked at Hali and said;
'Number two, I was speaking to you. Not him.'

The rest of the CHBs ducked behiend cover, or scrabbled desperatly to get out of the way. Some took to the wing, with a thunderous "CLAP!"

Stratton took a deep breath, and leaned in to Dudley until their beaks were almost touching.....
'And number three....DO I LOOK LIKE AN OFFICER! - WELL...DO I! YOU SEE THOSE STRIPES? - THOSE STRIPES MEAN I'M A SARGENT, A GUNNERY SARGENT TO BE EXACT, YOU LITTLE PIGEON FLY YOU! THAT MEANS I WORK FOR A LIVING!!!! NOW THE ONLY REASON THAT ALL OF YOUR FEATHERS ARE STILL ATTACHED IS BECAUSE YOU ARE EITHER MENTALLY DEFICIENT, OR A CIVILLIAN. AND I GET INTO TROUBLE FOR MISTREATING EITHER. SO WHICH IS IT?'

Leaning back Dudley got a great view of Stratton's eyes bulging out of their sockets.

'A civillian...I think?'
'You THINK?!' Spat Stratton.

Uni decided that this had gone far enough.
'Excuse me Gunny Stratton. A word please.'

Most pijies would have made it a question. Not Uni. She was used to being listened to. Although she wore no insignia, Stratton felt like saluting. - Which he did.....Twice.

Uni walked him into a quiet corner.
'Now young man. I was sent here because we need Feathernecks to take on a very dangerous mission. There are SPPs down behiend enemy lines, and they need extraction. We were told that this was the only outfit that could do it. You come highly recommended.'
'By who?' Asked Stratton.
'Sgt. Gertrude. I believe you met whilst he was giving Pijie Recon training in Hereford for the SAS.'
'Sure did, M'am. So tell me how is Gertrude? Last time I saw him he was out all on his own, and still he managed to have two hawks and a cat surrounded.'
'He's overdue.'
'Ok, so he's MIA? - No problem. He'll show up. Anyway, what's this mission you need us for?'

Uni filled him in on everything, from the Republican fundraiser dove hunt, to the capture of Tooter, Squeeks, and Dinkster.
'Darn.' said Stratton. 'This is impossible.'
'So you can't help?'
'Not exactly. Difficult? we could immediatly. Impossible? - That might take a couple of hours..' Winked Stratton.

Stratton went into a huddle with the CHBs. Occasionally there was a "Yup", a "Can Do!" an occasional "I don't want to know" (That last was Stratton) and one, or two You What?!

Stratton turned around, to the three SPPs.
'Ok. We can do it, it'll take a couple of hours, maybe two and a half.

'Ok. Need a hand?' Asked Hali.
'Sure.' answered Stratton. 'Anyone who survived a mission with Gertrude, I want on my team.'

And they went to work. - All over town and the surrounding counties Chevey Suburbans went missing. The police were baffled by the lack of fingerprints, and the presence of safflower seeds, hemp seeds, chewing gum, rootbeer, and peanuts, at each crime scene.

Meanwhile in Mass.....
Mona and Mary Lou arrived in a flash of feathers in Garye's parking lot. They pecked some leftover seeds, and had a quick preen before locating Garye's
roost. In a flash, they were off, running like piies possesed through the darkened streets. Eventually they found her.

'Whazat!' snorted Garye as she was shook awake by Mona and Mary Lou.
'That's Mona. And unless you have been in a coma for the last year or so, you know who I am.'
'Let's just say I've been in a coma...' Said Garye. She was never at her best in the morning, and in the middle of the night, she was hell. - Bloody Divas!
Mary Lou launched into the routine from "Singing in the Rain".

'Mary Lou! Is that You.' Exclaimed Garye applauding.
'Of course it is kiddo'.
'Oooohhh I'm such a FAN!!'
'I hear you are a very tallented pijie yourself.' Schmoozed Mary Lou.
'Naw. Compared to you, I'm a gifted amature..'
'You have an agent?'
'Funny you should mention that.'

Mona hopped from foot to foot.
'Girls! we don't have the time for chit chat!'

The two Divas turned to each other with a "She really dosn't understand" look.

'Look!' Exclaimed Mona. 'We have about 30 Minutes to come up with a distraction that will work with the nastiest Kitty ever! - We don't have time for this!'

'Oh relax' said Mary Lou. 'We got it all under control.'
'You thinking Moulin Rouge? - A Lady Marmalade thing?' Asked Garye.
'Nope. The other one. - The Pussycat Dolls. After all, they are Kitties.
Both of them turned to look at Mona.
'What!?' She squeeked.
'Mona. Turn around. 'Cmon let me see you shake your tail feathers......' Grinned Mary Lou.
Mona blushed bright blue...

[Feather]

SUPERB!!!!! All digits up!!!

Recommended reading for all members.

Alvin is one of the Top-selling authors of all time. His classic tales of THE SUPER POWERED PIGEONS have made people put down their Harry Potter books and run to the book stores.
The books stores are all sold out. His original versions are written for Pigeon-Talk.

The book review person guy

[Lady Tarheel]

Alvin

BRAVO, YOU'RE GREAT!

[alvin]

Originally Posted by Lady Tarheel

Alvin

BRAVO, YOU'RE GREAT!

It writes itself LT.
You mentioned Camp LeJune, and Stratton being a Marine Pijie. Little Bird came up with 'Feathernecks'. And the 'Difficult/impossible' thing........

Guess you have a Marine Pijie Squadbay in your yard............

Wait for it........wait for it.........You ready?

IT'S A MILITARY COUP!!!!!!

[mr squeaks]

AW RIGHT, AW RIGHT...and AWAY WE GOOOOO! (Exit, stage Left!)

[Feather]

Very good Alvin!

Would you join us for Thanksgiving. Your a big enough ham to feed all of the families that sit at our tables.

Feather

[Pete Jasinski]

Ba dum bump! I'm getting my big hook to pull him off the stage!

[Lady Tarheel]

Sounds like Marylou and Garye are going to make a fine team. It's a good thing Garye joined her because Tater had lovin on his mind and dropped out.

[Feather]

Maggie,

Are you saying that our Tater and Mary Lou are just dance partners, and that indeed Tater has found his true love. I remember you posting that Tater had a possible love interest. How is the "Military Coup"? Reading this thread makes me grasp the reality of just how many lives you and Lewis saved last winter/spring.

I would have thought it impossible. Now I know better.

Feather

[Lady Tarheel]

Feather, thank you. You are so very sweet. Tater still dances but has a new partner. I have been surprised because he and Mary Lou were so devoted to each other but he decided to take up with one of the CHB's.

I wouldn't recommend what we did this spring for the faint-hearted because all those birds, at different ages, at one time, was really hard. But, if we had it to do all over again, we would do it gladly. Our main concern right now is releasing them. They should have already been released but there were several factors that came up that caused us not to be able to let them go. We did release 3 fledglings but the other (23 I think) were different age groups and all of them were still too young to be released in June/July (we got them the end of April). As they learned to eat on their own and fly, we would put them in the aviary to become wild. The problem with that was after we got them all together, we couldn't tell them apart so we couldn't release the older ones because we didn't know which ones they were and the younger ones still needed another month or so. Then, I got really sick the last of June for about 3-4 weeks. Then, the weather got so hot and no rain that we couldn't think about releasing them. By the time we started getting some rain and the weather cooled off, we had the problem with the disease in the other aviary and, not knowing whether it was the seed or ground cover, decided to hold them awhile longer. Not only that, no matter how much we try to avoid them, they are so tame its pathetic. So, that's where it stands. We've pretty much decided to keep them over the winter and release them in early spring.

I always worry myself sick, anytime we release, but I worry more when we have had to hold any over (because of injuries or health issues) about whether they can make it. We had one pigeon that we held over that we could identify later and he made it in the wild for about 4 years so I try to think of him.

[Lady Tarheel]

Alvin, this is a thank you post from me to you.

I have wanted to say this to you for awhile but I am having trouble finding the right words but here goes anyhow.

Pigeons are usually viewed with such negativity by people that I am sometimes hesitant to even tell anyone that we rescue ferals. But, I talk about them anyhow, in hopes that I can reach someone who will look at them in a different way. I am hoping, through the wonderful, funny stories you write, that at least one person, if not many, who may be a guest of the forum and has not liked pigeons, will read these stories and say, "hey, I didn't know pigeons were so cool". You present them, of course, in a far-fetched way, but the basics are there - that they are loving, loyal, sweet, intelligent and funny little birds. They are worthy of being loved by everyone - even irritated neighbors or politicians who want to have dove hunts.

I'm not sure that everyone has the time to read past the General forum and find your stories but I wish they would.

So, thank you very much.

[Rockie]

All I can say is that I'm hooked BIG TIME. Now my boyfriend has me printing the episodes out to bring home for him...I have been back-tracking to the very 1st one. Keep 'em coming!

[alvin]

Wow thanks guys.

I'm working on the next one right now. (Damn, I love writing this stuff. - It's got to be illegal, imorral, or at least fattening.....)

[mr squeaks]

Originally Posted by alvin

Wow thanks guys.

I'm working on the next one right now. (Damn, I love writing this stuff. - It's got to be illegal, imorral, or at least fattening.....)

No worries, Alvin, you're an ALIEN so illegal, immoral and fattening don't count. Bend the rules, do what you wish and eat hearty. You'll be just fine!