Season 2 Episode #18

[alvin]

Mona, Uni, Garye, and Mary Lou saw all of this happening. Mona wanted to get the heck out of there, but she couldn't let down Uni. Besides Garye was getting on her nerves, and she was darned if she was going to run screaming like a two week old squab first.
Funnily enough, Garye was thinking the exact same thing.........

If Uni, or Mary Lou were nervous or frightened, they didn't let it show. They had both been there before. And besides Mary Lou had seen the way Tiddles had gotten his 'Tattoo'. The memory still made her smile.

They settled in to wait. Uni had told them what the signal would be.

Finally everything was ready.....

Stratton split his Marines into three groups. Two went into the tricked out Suburbans. The third went into the Limo. The CD player was disabled with chewing gum on Hali's advise. The Feathernecks needed to be focused, not dancing. Some final touches were still being added to the outside of the Viechles as they pulled out into the early morning.

Luckily there was nobody around to see the small convoy speed off in the direction of the Dove Hunt. Even if they did, they would never believe their eyes at the sight of small pijies applying touch up paint, and bumperstickers, etc on moving viechles.

Peaches was putting the final bumper sticker on the Limo.

"My other car is Airforce 1."

They hit the freeway doing 120, lights and sirens blazing.

In the lead suburban Stratton was talking on the radio to Dudley.
'Erm, call me a dumb pijie,'-
'You are a dumb pijie.'
'Ha ha...very funny...but what the heck are we doing screaming down the road in plain view of everyone. We won't last a second before the hunters see us.'
'The hunters wont see us, they'll be busy.'
'Doing what?' Scoffed Dudley.
'Running for cover, diving into cars, and getting the heck out of there as fast as they can, while trying to keep their pants empty.'
'I'll believe that when I see it'.
'Well be sure not to blink. It'll be quick'.

It's time maybe to introduce you to Gertrude's book of nastiness.

Rule #176 states that;
When outnumbered, out gunned, with no place to run, and nowhere to hide. Forget about being subtle.

Well that's what the book says after countless edits, and numerous re-writes. The original of rule #176 (for the scholors of the worlds formost Pijie buttkicker) States;

"When the poop is in the waterbowl, it's time to get nasty"

It's required reading at the academy, and Stratton learns well.

The hunters had collected their guns and, after the welcome speach from the politician/host, and dodging the pledge takers. It's amazing how many of them left their cheque books behiend. For a little while they milled around the parking lot waiting for the guides. As usual when you get a lot of businessmen hanging around at a work/social event, the naturally gathered into their respective prefessions. Doctors in one group, accountants in another. And in a group in the corner all on their own looking shifty were the
lawyers. Like the embarrasing uncle at the wedding, they had to be invited, but nobody wanted to talk to them.
You could spot the lawyers a mile away. The were the only hunters wearing Nikies,just in case there was an ambulance to be chased. They looked silly as they clashed terribly with the day-glo orange jackets, and the jungle pattern camo.

Years of training in law, and compulsory classes in siren recognition, gave the lawyers an almost superhuman ability to detect oncomming emergency service units. What's the best way to wake a lawyer from a coma?

- Call 911....

Like Meerkeets The Lawyers rose up and sniffed the wind ears straining trying to locate the source of the noise. Then, like a slow motion dam burst the Lawyers started to stampede. Chairs, tables, bunting, the marching band, the other hunters, the host....everything was trampled in their rush to be somewhere else, fast! Confusion and mayhem reigned as the panic spread. Some ran because they thought the end of the world was nigh, others ran because they didn't want to be left out.
In the midst of the excitement a confused Cosmetic Surgeon from Charlotte grabbed passing Criminal Defense Attorney from Salsbury and screamed;
'What's going on!'
'Let me GO!!!!'
'What is it? - Fire? Flood? Earthquake?........THE IRS!!!!'
'Run YOU FOOL!!!!! IT'S DICK CHEANEY! WE ARE OUT HUNTING SMALL FEATHERY HARMLESS CREATURES, WE'RE LAWYERS! - NOBODY IS SAFE!!!!!!!'
The parking lot emptied faster then Yoko Ono can kill a viable music carreer...

[Feather]

Alvin! Great story! What is next? More....more....more!!!!

[Lady Tarheel]

Alvin, Alvin, Alvin


The punch line was stupendous!

You are a clever young man and I enjoyed every word. Hurry up with #19. I almost missed seeing this before I logged off and would have been mad at myself for missing it hot off the press.

[mr squeaks]

Looks like things are "hittin' the fan" REAL quick!

As the saying goes, "Here come the Marines!"

"The plot thickens!"

"When in doubt, RUN!"

Mmmmm, I've run out of cliches...for now...

[Garye]

Hee hee hee. The last lines were the best.

And plus, Garye's back in the story.

It can't get any better than this... or can it?

[Pete Jasinski]

I love it, love it, LOVE IT!!!! Them huntin fools better be wearing their kevlar undies cuz like you so aptly put it, The poops hitting the water bowl!