Season #2 Episode 2

[alvin]

'Zorry, a Dove Hunt'.
'Dove hunt?' Asked Tiddles unfamiliar with the term. 'What's that?'
'It'z ver a lot of humans celebrate ze superiority of mankind by shooting mit big guns ze small harmless birds whoze only purpose in life is zoo go 'Coo-Coo' in ze bushes.'

Tiddles thought for a moment....
'And they call us Evil'?
'Ja. - Go figure.'

The Limo came to a halt in yet another ally. It was indistingushable from the first one. There was no outward sign of a Fortress of Dread anywhere. There was a distinct lack of castles, moats, firey pillars lighting the way through eldritch tunnels of crumbling brickwork. There was no screams of souls trapped in eternal torment for transgressions against kittykind (like not opening the Whiskas quickly enough, or forcing a cat to have a bath.)
There was, however, a manhole. It looked like any other, except for the tiny welcome mat. Well sort of welcome mat.

It had the words 'Abandon hope all ye who enter' written on it.
Dorian wiped his paws, and encouraged Tiddles to do the same.
He was a very pernickity cat. That is a fact seldom mentioned in the stories.

Dorian put his trident in a small slot in the manhole, and twisted it. He disappeared down into the opening, and Tiddles followed. Well, he didn't want to look like a big scaredy cat.

So what does the interior of an evil lair look like?

Never having been in one I don't know. But this one was........comfortable. At the bottom of the stairs leading back up to the alley, was a small coatrack and umbrella stand. Dorian deposited his cape and trident here. He donned a small silk smoking jacket, and headed through the large oak double doors at the end of the hallway.

Tiddles found it difficult to walk in the inch deep pile of wollen carpet that smothered the floor from wall to wall. Fluffy pillows covered many of the flat surfaces around, and jingle balls, and catnip toys poked here and there from behiend the furnishings.
Tiddles was confused. He'd been looking forward to sharpening his claws on a soul or two before getting down to the important task of revenge. Dorian was turning out to be some what of a letdown.

'Er, Dorian? what do you do here in the Fortress of Dread?'
'Nozing. This iz not my Fortress of Dread. It'z my Condo. I like to come here every now und again zoo relax, kick back, und make mit the schnoozing. But as zee buzy Kitty, I am never far avay from my Empire of Evil. Vot did you expect?

Hmm? Did you expect a torture chamber for bad kitties? Maybe mit a shower, und a Vets surgery? Hmm?'.

'Well.....Yeah, sorta'. Answered Tiddles.

'I am not into zat kind of thing anymore. These days I mostly outsource. I only get envolved in special cases of punishment. Und almost none of that has to do mit Kitties. I prefer to vork mit Pijies.'
'But Pigeons are stupid and harmless?' said Tiddles, proving that next to him, Doodles was a genius.
'Vell Excuze me! Mr. Kleverpuss!? - But vot does it say on your coat? Hmm? - Oh My! I do believe it says 'I love pijies'. Do zat yourself did you?'
'Mumblemumble-No-Dorian-Mumblemumble'.
'Vot?' Asked Dorian sweetly.
'No Dorian.'

The finally arrived at Dorian's inner scanctum. In the center was a large screen computer monitor, this looked at odds with the other softer furnishings around the room. Tiddles eye, and nose were immediatly drawn to the catfood which filled a couple of bowls to overflowing.
'Help yourself'. Said Dorian.
'Tiddles did.'
Mean while Dorian busied himself pouring through some files in an old cabinet. He wore a small pair of half-moon specticles perched on his nose.
Eventually Tiddles sauntered over to see what was going on.

'Tooter likes his privacy, he thinks zat the SPPs are secret. He likes zoo keep it zat vay.'
'So, what are we looking for.?'
'Ve are looking for somezing private, und small, but mit the potential for great mayhem, such vill appeal to Mr Skveeks und Dinkster. Somezing mit a limited amount of humans........let me see.....Ah HA!'
'What have you found?'
Dorian read the flyer;

You are invited to join us for a Dove Shoot
Beginning at 2:30.....
For
Karen Floyd....
Republican nominee.......

And the address.

'Binko! Ve hav ze vinner!, Now ve must make sure zat tooter sees dis.'
'How did you get it?'
'I'm on Karl Rove's Christmas list.'

[Feather]

Oh my, I didn't think it could get any better. Toll your bell, Super Squeaks.

Evil is going down! Pick up you Light Sabers Mighty Wariors. Evil is going down.

Feather

[Lady Tarheel]

Alvin, surely you are a famous author. Have I read any of your books?

This episode is delightful. I love the description of the condo and all its amenities even to the smoking jacket.

Please do the next installment SOON!

[Feather]

This is the type of case (if needed) that Scorpio Power and Wonder Woman would gladly aid the pigeons. I know them, and they would just love to PUNCH some of these people OUT!

Feather

[alvin]

Originally Posted by Lady Tarheel

Alvin, surely you are a famous author. Have I read any of your books?

This episode is delightful. I love the description of the condo and all its amenities even to the smoking jacket.

Please do the next installment SOON!

Nope. If I was, my grammer and spelling would be better. I just have a vivid imagination. On top of that, I have met Gertrude. A Pijie with an Ostrich sized personality. Such inspiration, like the picture of Dorian, just writes itself.

[mr squeaks]

Hey, WW...yes, I think we would be able to do some damage to the human contingent in that dove hunt!! Grrrrr!

We've worked very well with the SPPs in the past. Besides, we also have the advantage of telepathy with our SPPs...

Scorpio Power

[Feather]

Maggie,

I have been trying to get Alvin to write a book. Pete's pictures are inspiring. I have Our Super Heros as my desk top. It is beautiful. I think it would be wonderful if the sons of this forum got together, and shared their talents in print. Just think of the good that it would do for Pigeondom. We have numerous wonderful stories about rescued birds. All the inspiration anyone needs is right here on this forum.

Thanks again Alvin,
Feather

[mr squeaks]

Y'know...one could even "print" the threads and edit as seen fit to make up a book! The stories and themes and adventures have already been done.

NOW, WHO is a book editor or whatever is needed to get a book published??

[Lady Tarheel]

Feather and Shi, I agree wholeheartedly.

Alvin, as far as the grammar and stuff, that's why they have editors (I think). With your talent, you really need to pursue this.

[Garye]

I know I'm not supposed to say this... but I love the reference made to Karl Rove and co. Great sense of humor!

Yes, you should write a book. Such a vivid imagination - I would imagine that is what booksellers are looking for. The story line gets people's imaginations going. You write well.

Who knows? Maybe someone who once hated pigeons will end up liking them after reading these stories.