Goodbye Sparkle

[TheSnipes]

My post about Sparkle was too long for PT, so instead I'm putting a link to it here. I guess I'm long-winded

http://www.neptunetechnical.com/mons...yesparkle.html

[flitsnowzoom]

What a story Sparkle had. I am so sorry that several of her years were so compromised. Our lives are full of could of's, should of's and did or didn'ts, so we almost always have our plates full of guilty thoughts over those actions or inactions.

I loved your tribute.

I understand how you feel about Sparkle and her loss. I also understand how we can resent the ones we love but aren't really "there" any more but still need our care and presence.

Small comfort, but she's now over the Rainbow Bridge with her stick waiting for you now, beautiful and loving as she ever was.

Hugs.

[Trees Gray]

Thank you for sharing your bittersweet tribute to a loyal friend, she is beautiful.

[Charis]

I am so sorry. I can feel everything you wrote and in my own way can relate.

[Dezirrae]

Oh Snipes I am soooooo very sorry - what a terrible position to be in for both of you I know how heartbroken you are right now and my heart goes out to you. It's so very tough when the decision isn't made for us in an obvious way. Please try not to feel so guilty. I'm sure most (if not) all of us have been in a similar situation. From reading your story I can tell how deeply you love Sparkle. I had to make such a decision about a year and a half ago with my cat AJ who'd been with me for almost 15 years - she was my first "love" after graduating college. I wanted to have her with me forever and couldn't "see" her slipping away right in front of it. I still miss her terribly. Give yourself time to mourn and permission to feel sorry. I am sure that Sparkle loves you just as much running free in dog heaven as she did when she was with you.

That was such a beautiful and touching post you wrote about her -- I'm still crying and will go take a moment alone now to join you in saying a heartful so long to Sparkle.

[TAWhatley]

Snipes, your tribute brought tears to my eyes and a huge lump to my throat. I, too, can certainly relate to what you have written. Bless you for giving Sparkle a good life and lots of love. Be kind to yourself!

Terry

[TerriB]

You have written a lovely memorial for Sparkle. It must have been very hard for both of you to deal with the various problems she developed. I've had three dogs reach the end stages of canine senility and your comments bring back memories, some good, some not so pleasant. So sorry you had to live through this experience. You seem to have pulled out some positive lessons. My condolences on your loss.

[maryjane]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dear Sparkle. I hope you are able to feel some peace knowing she is a young pup again in Heaven.

I understand why your instinct is to feel guilt and shame. But please remember that as a human, we often instinctively shy away from someone that we know we will have to let go, especially someone we love so much.

It is not uncommon for adult children to pull away, emotionally and/or physically, from their aging parents, as they are dreading the day when they will lose them. It is in our very nature to distant ourselves from someone because we know we are going to lose them. This happens with friends, relatives, husbands and wives, especially with someone who is visibly ill.

It is very, very common to have those feelings of disgust, or contempt, or the like, when caring for someone who is ill. It is caused by fear. Guilt and shame of course follow those feelings, making it very difficult to feel anything at all after a point. Your heart just can't take it and you can't help but distance yourself.

I believe that my dog Meg, who was my most beloved and dearest best friend, is now in Heaven and can look back over our years together and understand why I did the things I did, that she couldn't understand then, times I had to leave her behind as well as other very hard times we went through together, when I could not be the person she thought I was.

I personally believe that all animals have just as much of a soul as we humans do, if not a bigger soul. I also believe that their spirit, upon reaching Heaven, can comprehend our human ways to an extent that we cannot while we are here.

Please, please do not feel guilty and shamed. You may wish that you were above human nature and human instincts but none of us are. What you did was what you had to do because your heart couldn't take the pain of staying so close to her when you knew you would lose her. I truly believe will all of my heart that she understands that it was your weakness during difficult times that caused you to raise your voice or become frustrated. I truly believe she understands, and loves you, and forgives you. Please try to forgive yourself. You have suffered enough about it all this time. She is now watching over you and you have another guardian angel.

[Feather]

I am sobbing like a baby! Sparkle's story is so endearing and personal. I have to take check and make sure that my dogs needs are being met. Sparkle certainly was the most beautiful collie that I have ever seen. I know that you will miss her and I feel your pain.

[TheSnipes]

Thank you to everyone for responding to this. I know it was a very long story and I am surprised anyone could stick with it.

It is really a great comfort to know that other people understand, not only in sympathizing with the loss of a beloved pet but also understanding the guilt and regrets that go along with the grief. Your messages mean a great deal to me, and it makes me more grateful than ever to have found PT and its community of kind and compassionate people. Thank you all for your thoughts. I hope that I will be a better person out of all of it.

[TheSnipes]

I tried to reply, it may be pending moderator's release. I wanted to edit and add, Sparkle was only the 2nd dog in my life who was really "mine"; although my family was never without dog or dogs I had only had one other who was my own, a pup from a stray that I got when i was about 17. She had a fairly short life before dying from cancer, and it took me more than 10 years before I could bear to think about having another dog. That 2nd dog was Sparks, and the whole of my adult life in which I've been alone, I've been with her. It won't be 10 years again because I already have my two littlies, Mr. & Mrs. Nosey Parker:

and they are of course a huge comfort.

Again thank you all for your nice words and thoughts, and as Feather said, see to all your loved ones and give all of them an extra long hug today.

[Doxiecrazy]

Our beloved Lilly went to the Rainbow Bridge http://www.rainbowbridge.comin September, it still feels like yesterday. I will mourn her forever.

She was sick for quite some time, not as long as Sparkle, but there were many medications. We have four dogs (five when Lilly was with us) I know the feeling of frustration of having to clean the urine and poop, but I constantly remind myself that these our my babies, and they love me unconditionally, no matter what, and I owe them the same in return.

I used to feel frustration with having to stop and give her the medications, and once she had passed, I told myself if only I could have her back, I would never complain again. Unfortunately, that just isn't possible.

Bless you for rescuing Sparkle. I'm sorry for the way that Sparkle's quality of life declined. I wish that you two had more quality time together towards the end.

However, I know that she is healthy and happy again, waiting for you at the Bridge.

[Snowbird Sue]

Snipes, I read your tribute, and such a beautiful animal. I lost my sheltie last summer, and she was my baby too. Her health was failing, and after some blood work at the vet, we found out she had liver cancer and her kidneys were already 75% shut down. I had her put to sleep that very day, as I couldn't bear to see her in pain....She couldn't tell me where it hurt, but the vet said it was pretty bad. She went so fast, I don't think she would have lived much longer. Oh, I loved that dog, and still miss her to this day. I may someday get another dog, but I can't do it yet. It just doesn't feel "right" to me yet. You did a great tribute, Snipes, I am glad you had an outlet for your loss. I have had shelties for 31+ years, and this is the first time I ever spent a winter without one. I always took care of my animals, and they went everywhere with us. Yes, I do understand what you went thru. I feel your pain too. Snowbird Sue

[Reti]

Poor Sparkle, she had such a rough life being so sick for so long. I am so sorry, but I have no doubt in my mind that she loved you and she cherished the memories with you from the time she was healthy, and she knew how much you loved her.
RIP Sparkle.

Reti

[Margarret]

Snipes,

That was a lovely and very moving tribute to Sparkle. It must have been difficult for you to write. I can't add to what others have so eloquently said. Chronic illness and disease are so sapping to the spirit of both the afflicted and the caretaker that it is only when we can get some distance that we see the hard road we have traveled. Sparkle was a beautiful girl. I know she is in your heart till you join her.

I'm glad you have the Parkers. They are cute as buttons.

Hugs, Margaret