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Grief & LossI have mentioned my Uncle Mario a few times. Every single time I think about I start crying, for hours at a time sometimes. I feel like I am never going to get over his death. I'm confused with being really angry with him because he didn't take his high blood pressure meds. Then I feel really guilty for being angry with him. I have even had to start seeing two therapy counselor. My next step I think would be to see a psychiatrist. I have accepted the loss of my Uncle. But I just can't let it go. I can't even find a job and even had to quit school. I've had loved ones pass away before. My Uncle Loui & my Aunt Susan. I don't even remember being has depressed with them as I am with the lost of my Uncle Mario.
The day of his death was such a confusing day too. I was the last one to find out. Everyone kept it on the hush hush. I had thought my grandmother died. I was calling my bbf Kristen telling her I think my grandmother has died no one will tell me what was going on. I was already making plans to see who would take care of her crippled dog. Then when I found out is was my Uncle. I didn't know whether I should have been happy because my grandmother was alive or sad because my Uncle Mario was dead... That can really mess someone up. I can't fill this whole I have deep in my chest. I know with life there is always death, and death is just another stage of life. It was just his time to move on... I just can't stop feeling like I was cheated out of an Uncle. I keep hoping this was just all a big mistake and he is out there some where waiting for me to find him.... I wish I could just break myself from this fantasy... Sorry it is 3:36 AM, I'm crying, alone, and I just needed someone to hear my thoughts...
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Cyn79,
I'm so sorry you were the last to find out about your uncle's passing and having to deal with all these mixed feelings, I can certainly relate. I had a very hard time with both my parents passing, and I have been told that having all these mixed feelings (guilt, sadness, remorse) is a normal part when processing it all. It is extremely hard to deal with the passing of a loved one, but especially those that we argued with, and seemed in turmoil with, as well as loved. I feel guilty myself about fighting with my dad and trying to get him to do alternative, cause he wouldn't take meds anymore either. From talking to my big sister, she helped me realize that he was responsible for his health and his life, and if it was his decision not to try anything then I had to respect that. I was looking at this world with my own eyes, and not his. I had to realize it and deal with it. I delt my moms death a year prior, but my dad made decisions for her. I still cry when I'm with my pigeons, cause he got me interested when I was a child. God bless you and keep you, and I will pray that you can resolve these issues and find some peace. You have to remember that your uncle would not want you to worry and agonize about this, he would want you to be done with it, as he is done with this world. Sending you a big hug and my heartfelt condolensces.
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 Every negative event effects my ability to own my APBT, please be a responsible owner and keep your pitbull out of trouble. Last edited by Skyeking; 12th February 2008 at 05:16 AM. |
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Cyn79 I think you are in a normal process of grieving. You have lost someone whose life and companionship was precious to you and who can never be replaced, it is understandable that you are inconsolable and you can't put the process of grieving on a time table. You just have to let yourself adjust to the absence of your uncle naturally. I think the counseling is a good thing for you, it is always helpful to have someone to talk about your feelings with. Just give yourself the time to heal and become comfortable with the fact that he's passed on from this world. I agree with Treesa, he would not want you to suffer and mourn him but to be at peace, as he is.
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Did I mention my Uncle's birthday just passed on the 8th. Two days after mine. It is kind of funny you should mention about how he was responsible for his own health. That is the same thing I tell my grandmother everyday. She feels it is her fault my Uncle passed. Because that night my Uncle had mentioned to her his arm was num and his chest felt tight. My grandmother wanted to call 911 and take him to the hostipal. But my uncle refused. And I also try to explain to her even if she did call 911 my Uncle would have refused care. He was more afriad of the medical bill than dieing. * He did have health Insurance* So that would have been a fight in itself. My Uncle was very stubborn.
I know wounds heal with time. But I'm afriad my wounds will never ever heal.
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* It is kind of funny you should mention about how he was responsible for his own health. That is the same thing I tell my grandmother everyday. She feels it is her fault my Uncle passed. Because that night my Uncle had mentioned to her his arm was num and his chest felt tight. My grandmother wanted to call 911 and take him to the hostipal. But my uncle refused. And I also try to explain to her even if she did call 911 my Uncle would have refused care. He was more afriad
* You should listen to the advice you give your grandmother, it goes for you too. I don't think you ever really get over it, but it does get easier after time.
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Every negative event effects my ability to own my APBT, please be a responsible owner and keep your pitbull out of trouble. |
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Hi Cyn,
I was about your age when my (step) grandmother died at 71, and I had great difficulty accepting that. I think that by that age you have already experienced loss and you think that you can cope with it, but conciously or unconciously you brace yourself for the death of relatives at a certain age expecting them to survive until then (in my case I expected everyone to live until they were at least 85) and it comes as a terrible shock to have them go prematurely. I hope the counselling helps you come to terms with this. Cynthia
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...while all the time your dear full-throated pigeons will be heard, and the turtledove high in the elm will never bring her cooing to an end. (Virgil) |
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Hi Cyn,
Three years ago a dear friend died suddenly. She was in her mid 40's, had a massive stroke and was gone. Within a day her organs had been donated and the next day she was cremated...a day later her ashes were on the way back to Montana, her home state. I couldn't believe it. One minute an amazing life force was here and the next minute she was gone. Like you, I had a struggle with even functioning. I cried for nearly a whole year. The pain of her loss is still very raw for me but I am no longer overwhelmed by it. Probably there are some support groups in your area for individuals that have experienced the death of someone close to them. It probably would be healing for you to find one of those groups. They are often offered at hospitals. If you want help finding a bereavement group, I'm happy to help you.
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Charis If all the beasts were gone, men would die from great loneliness of spirit, for whatever happens to the beasts also happens to the man. Seattle 1736-1866  Another Life, Gone To The Birds! DO NO HARM Member, International Wildlife Rehabilitation Council |
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I just want to thank you all for listening...
It means a lot to me to have such understaning from you all. I would talk to my family member about all this, but it would not make things better just worst because I don't think anyone really wants to talk about. They just want to move on. I want to move on too, I just don't want to let go. Moving on with out all the pain is so hard...
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