Warning!!! Too Funny!!!

[horsesgot6]

WARNING!!! TOO FUNNY!!!
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin


My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and
does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the
library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.

People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a
just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the
volume. It's always fully cranked. There've been several embarrassing
times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked
by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last
week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with
me into the rest room. If you'd been one of the ladies in the r! estroom
that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second
to the last stall:

'Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on
the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on DA toiwet paper now? Mommy,
what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?'

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in
the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe
we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of
this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued, 'Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a
good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on
the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to
see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are
gonna get some candy!'

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls o! n either side of
me. Where is a screaming new born when you need h er? Good grief. This
was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time
before exiting.

Trying to divert him, I said, 'Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and
see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!'

'No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!' He started to
gag at this point. 'Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze
stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!'

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I
quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to
reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four
flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this
embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

'Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
stinkies! Get up! Get up!' He grunted as he tried to pull me off.

Now I could hear full-blown l! aughter. I bent down to count the feet
outside my door.
'Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under DA door? What
were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?'

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
situation.
'Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now,
Mommy.' He started pounding on the door. 'Mommy, don't you want to wash
your hands? I want to go out!!'

I saw that my 'wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened
the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies
crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first
thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, 'Where's the fine
print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my
dignity and privacy?' But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin
while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little han! ds, I thought,
I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mom my to this little
fellow.

[Charis]

Oh My...lol!

[Snowbird Sue]

That is so cute! and FUNNY! i could hardly contain myself!!! Thanks for the great belly-laugh!!!!

[horsesgot6]

I Was laughing So hard When i Was reading This i Just had To Share It with Everyone. My Mom sent It To Me. Glad You Liked it As Much As Me.

[Matt D.]

Rofl, just ROTFL!

[maryjane]

LOL that is a great one.